The Tooth Fairy

Let's take a few moments today to talk about someone behind his back.  Let's make it even more exciting by ruining our chances of ever getting caught by talking about someone who can't use the internet behind his back.

The person in question woke up one Sunday morning looking like this:



A few hours later there was a tooth in a hand and a face that looked like this:



As you can (maybe) see, the new fang was already coming in, so we did not have to suffer looking at a gappy grill for too long.  Now its next door neighbor tooth is also loose and has quite the replacement growing in behind it.  I would seriously like to know who these new teeth think they are.  They are huge and have no business trying to fit into such a little space.  Oh well.  I hope they know what they're doing and don't cause us to spend eleventy billion dollars on orthodontics in the future.  I can't believe I have such a big boy!

In other news, packing and laundry.  Here's another quick confession:  I put off hand washing clothes forever (possibly even wearing said articles of clothing more times than I should...eew).  I've actually completed this unnatural domestic chore a couple times now, and I have to say that I kind of like it.  In fact, it's sort of fun.  I like to put some water in the bathtub with some special hand washing soap, soak a few things, swish, rinse, and (this is the best part) roll it up in a towel so I can squish it.  SQUISH!  Then I hang them to dry and leave the drying rack up for 3 months and put it away just in time to hand wash again.  Weee!

Art Journal

I bought myself the gift of Red Velvet Art's Art Journal All Year E-Course in an effort to be more artsy.  So far I've discovered that I really enjoy painting pictures I've torn out of books.  It feels naughty to destroy a book!  Luckily, the thrift store offers many choice books at a price that makes me A-OK with the destruction.  Anywho.  Here's the first page of my art journal.



Making this page was so fun that I have to resist the urge to paint on a cat picture for every page.



For my love list I turned this snazzy Anthro girl standing next to some bigass trees into a cute little gnome girl hula hooping in the forrest.  Awww.



And here is my into page.  Once again I destroyed a book, and I feel zero percent guilty about it because it was the worst romance novel of all time.  You guys know I read a lot of that shit, and this might be the first one that I didn't finish.  The story sucked.  The main character refers to herself in third person, and her name is Glenda.  You like Glenda, no?  No, as a matter of fact, I do not like Glenda.  I also don't like that for several pages I was pretty sure your main man meat was a bad guy out to rape you, but I guess he's not.  Whatever.

Sorry about that tangent, but not really.  So I was minding my own business making this page when it dawned on me that I put a motherflipping bird on my head.  My cat picture has a bird on its head.  So the first two pages of my book have bird heads.  I am one of the (apparently) few people who don't find the "put a bird on it" thing very funny.  Perhaps I haven't given it enough chances.  Napoleon Dynamite took me a couple watches to really enjoy.  There was a many week gap between creating those pages, and the bird thing was completely unintentional.  You like Glenda, no?

Also, I considered not posting this page with a couple personal sentences on it (I have a picture of it without the words).  In fact, I went back to delete it from my flickr account, but in the end I kept it up.  Just trying to keep it human here, folks.  My world isn't all glitter and sunshine, but that's ok.

I have a lot going on today.  I need to go see if I can scam some Apple Care on my phone (slash bff), see if I can get my wedding ring made a little smaller, bring some wallets to the Fancy Tiger in Denver, followed by thrifting adventures with Roxann plus corndogs.  That's right.  Corndogs.  Happy Wednesday!

2012 Confessions!

I haven't written anything here in so long that this big white text box is a scary place.  I'm going to break the ice with a magic trick.

See that pile?  What's on top?  A blue fleece blanket, right?  WRONG.  It's my Snuggie.  That's right.  This is both a magic trick and a confession.  I bought a mother flipping blanket with sleeves at a consignment store for $5 many moons ago (reading light still in box!), and let me just say this: IT'S AWESOME.  I'm just embarrassed enough of my snuggie love that I invented this magic trick.  If I fold it up real special, it can be disguised as a regular ol' blue fleece blanket in my blanket pile.  The true magic might just be how warm a fleece blanket is, but I can't lie about how awesome those sleeves are when trying to eat snack and be warm at the same time.  

Other confessions:

I have a pretty bad potty mouth and I'm not afraid to use it.  I think I have been afraid to use it here because I don't want to offend anyone, but fuck that noise.  Good chance that Hot Butter posts in the future might contain a word or two that your grandma might not appreciate.  My grandma too.  She thinks "fart" is a bad word.  

I am probably nuts, but I believe there's some kind of freaky 2012 magic in the air that is messing with people.  I'm going to circle this back to how I started this confession and end it with this:  Since the beginning of 2012, I feel like I'm the craziest of all time (and that's ok!).

Speaking of probably being crazy, I put in my two weeks notice at the old day job, and next Thursday is my last day.  I'm excited about new opportunities.  I'm sad about leaving an awesome job and the coworkers I love (who shall remain to be my weirdo friends in the future!) and also a little jealous of the people who still get to work there, but I'm firm in my belief that my reasons for leaving are stronger than the reasons to stay.  I'm pretty lucky that I can decide to quit my job without lining another one up first, and I'm a little bit scared that I'll have problems finding a new job.  Chainsaw says I shouldn't be because I'm awesome and everyone will want to hire me.  Ok.  Got that universe?  Crazy 2012 universe?  You want this shit.

Ok, that's enough for now.  I don't want to get all overwhelmy with my confessions.  I do want to be HERE more and in a more present, personal way.  I hope you're all ready for this jelly.

Loves,

Ashley McCrazypants

Yes, this panda is real (to me and Felix and Laureal). 

P.S. This is my 327th post, which is my birthday number of posts, which is awesome and I'm way happy about that!